As some who gives relationship advice for a living, I'm often asked, "Do you need to focus on your profile to succeed in online dating? Yes! Success in online dating is due in large part to the ability to write a good profile that captures the interest of others. In the online universe, the words you use give others indications about what you are like, therefore the language you utilize carries great importance. Don't let that deter you, however, because writing your online profile should be fun! Here are some tips and tricks you can use to get you noticed by potential suitors, and weed out the undesirables.
Getting Started
At this stage, it is important that you spend the time and effort to get it right the first time. First, always read the site's guidelines, as they often provide useful tips and other important information. In fact, many online dating sites such as eharmony.com, Lavalife.com, Match.com, and Chemistry.com utilize questionnaires in order to help you create your profile. Use a word processing program enables you to save your work and cut and paste your profile. Not only does this method provide access to a spell checker but it's highly useful when registering for multiple online dating services.
Tip: Remember, There's No Such Thing As Good Writing, Only Rewriting!
Be prepared to tweak and edit your profile as necessary. Have a friend who knows you well, and whose judgment you trust, read it and provide feedback. Ask yourself, if I were a stranger reading this for the first time, what would I think of this person? In addition, getting feedback from someone who doesn't know you so well can be equally helpful. There's no need to blindly follow their advice, but occasionally input can be highly instructive. Also, keep in mind that you may need to alter your description until you begin to get good matches from potential suitors who match your needs. Most importantly, cut yourself some slack – don't expect perfection on the first attempt.
Tip: Choosing An Appropriate Username
Your username is important because it says a lot about you. Unfairly or not, monikers such as “Player69” or “Shygirl” carry certain assumptions. Tip: Use a name which is meaningful and says something about you, or something relatively anonymous such as Liz123. As you can tell, names that say something about you are much more likely to get attention from people potentially interested in the same things. NOTE: For privacy and security reasons, avoid using personal information such as address, age, phone number, or date of birth in your new name.
Headline Listings
Headline listings should be upbeat and catchy, with the goal being to prompt interested parties to click on your profile in order to learn more about you.
Profile Length
A profile which is too long tends to be a turn-off and readers will often not bother to finish reading it. On the other hand, a profile that is too short probably doesn't offer an accurate reflection of you. Therefore, find a happy medium.
Photos
Perhaps unfairly, most people usually don’t respond to profiles without one. NOTE: post a relatively flattering photo of yourself. Recently, I noticed someone posted a photo of himself on one of the major online dating sites that clearly showed him soaked with armpit sweat – yuck! In my opinion, natural photos are best, as overly posed studio shots tend not to look as sincere.
Audio
If the site offers the ability to record or upload audio files, try it. Hearing someone’s voice can be a useful barometer of attraction. After all, if you spot a hottie but discover they sound like Hannibal Lecter, you might think twice! If you don’t know what to say, try reading your favorite song lyrics, poem, or a meaningful book passage. Or simply say “hello!
Tip: Be Original and Be Yourself
Don't get caught up comparing your profiles to others, just be yourself. Resist the temptation to view online dating as a competition; your time is best spent on browsing profiles of potential prospects that interest you, and tweaking your own profile by further adding things that interest you.
Many profiles lists descriptions such as funny, bright, and interesting, but these are relatively meaningless to most readers. A better method is to prove it by making those descriptions self-evident in your profile. A funny profile will say about you then simply mentioning that you have a good sense of humor. If you enjoy films or music, talk about your favorites. Telling people why you love a certain film says much more about you than “I like movies.” By adding your distinct personality to everything you write, you will ultimately generate sincere interest.
Also, talk about who you are as a person, do not focus on occupation and appearance. One of the best pieces of relationship advice I've ever heard is this: When meeting someone for the first time, ask them what they like to do for fun because that says MUCH more about a person than what they do for a living. As a culture, we get hung up on the superficial, and we would all benefit from letting this go of this bad habit.
Tip: Be Positive
Avoid anything self-deprecating remarks, or anything negative, in your profile. Remember, self-confidence is one of the largest attractors.
Tip: Deal Breakers
Do mention things that are absolute no-nos. For example, if you really dislike cats to the extent that you couldn’t date someone who owned one, it’s advisable mention it. Similarly, if there are certain moral or religious beliefs that you hold dear, that determine whether whether you'd date someone, make sure you mention them. (Don't do this in a negative fashion, however, keep it positive.) This helps to avoid time-wasting situations of spending time with someone only to discover inevitable fundamental incompatibilities.
Tip: Avoid Cliches
Never write bland statements such as “I like pizza.” It's mostly meaningless and says little of significance about you. After all, most people like pizza! As an alternative, describe things that are important to you. Rather than saying “I love my friends,” describe a road trip you once took with your buddies, or a recent girls night out, and include some funny photos. Remember, the idea is to give an overall picture of your personality.
Tip: Be Honest
People are making choices based on what you say, and will only feel let down when they discover the truth. Don't create the profile of a wealthy jet-setter if you are not one in real life – you're just wasting your time. On a related note, don't put people off by telling them your entire life story. There is such a thing as being TOO honest. If that's the case, keep it short and learn to understate any potential negatives. For example, “I love shopping for antiques” or “I collect baseball cards” sounds much better than “I spend every weekend shopping non-stop in order to collect as many as possible.”
For my reviews of the popular online dating sites, go to [http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/online-dating.html]
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